Amy's Song

I came across this video while Stumbling around and since I'm a huge fan of musical theater and since I'm planning my own wedding I thought I would share it. It made me laugh.

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Improv Everywhere

I've Stumbledupon a few of their videos and I've even posted one here before quite a while ago. They play huge pranks on subways, in malls, little league games, etc. You can check out their website here if you want to see more. Here are a few of my favorites:

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What to Get Grandma for Her Birthday

This is a hilarious video of a grandmother opening a birthday gift from her granddaughters. They get her an "adult" item as a gag gift. Very funny.

This video is NSFW (not safe for work) and not safe to be viewed with children.

See more funny videos and funny pictures on CollegeHumor

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I'm a Dog Person

It's true. I love my cat to pieces, but generally, I'm a dog person. These are some quotes that dog lovers can appreciate.



The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
-Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.
-Ann Landers

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.
-Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.
-Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
-Andy Rooney

We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.
-M. Acklam

Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.
- Sigmund Freud

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.
- Robert Benchley

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.
-Franklin P. Jones

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
-Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.
-Joe Weinstein

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
-Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
- Robert A. Heinlein

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
- Mark Twain

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
- Dave Barry

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
- Roger Caras

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.
- Phil Pasto

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One Tired Dog

This is a really cute story. I found it while stumbling on the site GreatDad.com. You can read the post in its original home here.

An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard; I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.

He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious I pinned a note to his collar: ' I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'

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Best Book Review Ever

I stumbled upon this today and it had me laughing out loud. I think this is the greatest book review I've ever read. Very Funny! This was orignially posted on Amazon and you can see that post here.

Customer Review

1,954 of 1,962 people found the following review helpful: The Worst Book Ever Written--The Shadow God, by Aaron Rayburn, January 19, 2007 By Charles Moore "Trapped under a beam with the countdown ticking away, the monster just on the other side of the battered door, and my friends are trying to free me, I look up at them and yell, "Go on without me. I'll be alright. I'll hold him off while you escape!" And my friends, because they know my sacrifice won't be in vain, make their getaway and when the monster breaks through just as the explosives go off, I know I died saving the lives of my dearest friends." That pretty much sums up my experience reading Aaron Rayburn's novel, THE SHADOW GOD. I took one for the team, so the rest of you would NEVER have to be subjected to this beast. I beg you, don't let my selflessness be for nothing. Heed my warning. This is the worst book ever written. The back cover copy reads "Craig Johnson had two best friends, two caring parents, a hot girlfriend, and a nice truck--not bad for a twenty-year-old." Already we're in trouble. The author photo shows Rayburn in all his mid-20s virginal glory. Manson contacts, a black cap turned backwards with a red 666 monogrammed on it, he's posing next to what looks like a rubber demon. His bio includes the line "He also says that he owes a great deal of gratitude to the Devil . . . for filling his mind with such horrific images." If this book is the most horrific thing the devil can come up, I think humanity is safe from the threat of hell. There are so many things wrong with this book, I decided to keep notes so I could present them in an orderly fashion, with quotes to back me up. I don't want you to take my word for this novel's horridness, I'm going to let Rayburn speak for himself. We'll start with the plot. Craig Johnson was cursed at birth when his parents left the town church led by the possibly-evil Father Spiers. Spiers then tricked Craig's father Matt into strangling him, only in the end, Matt had killed, not Father Spiers, but one of the doctors. So Matt's been in jail Craig's entire life. Shortly after Craig's 20th birthday he begins to notice a blue light emanating from his bedroom closet. He calls for his mommy (I'm not making that up, it's on page 14), but she doesn't see any light, so he plays it off like he'd seen a rat, and asks her to check in his closet. After she leaves, Craig is compelled to enter the light, which takes him to the Dark World, which is sometimes like a vast black void, paved of course cuz you have to have something to walk on in a void, and sometimes is like Craig's own neighborhood, complete with the houses of his friends. Those friends, Todd and Mark, are also pulled into the Dark World, but they make their escape and then begins the action as the three try to solve the mystery of the blue light and the dark world. To sum up--this book is 454 pages, okay?--Craig is the reincarnation of Abel, the Shadow God is Cain, and Father Spiers is Cain's acolyte, sent to prepare for his return to the real world. In the midst of all this Mark is killed and resurrected by Ridley, a club owner/satanist (he runs The Satanist Group Association. Again, I wish I was making this up!) and servant to Spiers and the Shadow God. Craig's girlfriend, his mother, his father, as well as Mark's sister Margie and Todd's parents, are all killed and the cops think Craig did it. One cop does, anyway, Detective Jim Underwood, son of the doctor Craig's father Matt strangled to death 20 years earlier. DUN-DUN-DUN!!! There's a showdown where Craig is sucked into another portal to face Cain, who then becomes a dragon, and Todd jumps in to help his friend, they all die--except Craig--and we live happily ever after. Okay, I know it doesn't seem THAT bad from the plot. But I haven't begun quoting yet. Mark Twain said, "The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug." Rayburn wasn't even close. "Spiers's eyes popped extraneously from their sockets, as his face turned from a deep red to a sickly purple." "Extraneous" means "irrelevant." I don't think that's what he meant. At least, I hope not. Here's my favorite: "The lamp's glow was very weak compared to the blue glow emancipating from the basement." Emanating, Rayburn, EMANATING. When will people learn never to trust their SpellCheck without verifying it's the word they meant??? There are, in total, 11 instances of Rayburn using the wrong word, and believe me, each one is funnier than the last. Okay, one more. "It infiltrated his lungs, filling them with a kind of innovativeness he had never felt before." To be honest, I don't know what word he meant, but I keep seeing Craig's lung filing patents for a dozen new inventions, getting promotions for discovering an even newer formula for Tide laundry detergent, or finding the cure for cancer. Then there are the characters. Craig and his buddies are all 20, they're in college, and they have cars and money. Craig bribes the guard with hundred dollar bills when he's trying to get in to see his father in prison. Yet never in the entire book do these men go to class, nor to a job. Where did Craig get his "nice truck"? His mother works "odd jobs", so I doubt she co-signed the loan. And the dialogue. Oh dear, the dialogue. "That's probably the fiercest dragon known to man," Craig tells Todd toward the end. Because, you know, we have so many different kinds of dragons in the world with which to compare. Okay, so he uses the wrong word and his characters are morons. You can overlook a misused word here and LOTS of writers are horrible with characters. Hell, I'm guilty of this myself. But sometimes he just plain gets his facts WRONG: "The stranger was beastly in size with thick, bushy eyebrows, a prominent protruding forehead, and a thick, black coarse beard. His gait was that of a mammal--a Neanderthal." I know I never went to college, but um . . . do you think Rayburn knows HUMAN BEINGS are mammals as well? And later we learn that Cain and Abel were Neanderthals who lived in the stone age, feared dinosaurs, and that Cain was kicked out of the Garden of Eden for slaying his brother. Dude, Cain and Abel weren't born until a LONG time after Adam and Eve--the only two people who ever lived in the Garden of Eden--were kicked out. And not only is this the worst book ever written, it's also the worst-written book ever. Behold: "Of all the things to think, he never thought he'd think that." And: "Already, he knew he wouldn't be able to do it. In fact, he KNEW he wouldn't." ??? Wasn't that already established in the previous sentence? "Eubanks looked annoyed. He exhaled annoyingly and said..." You know what? I could do this all night. THE SHADOW GOD is the perfect example of everything that's wrong with publishing in today's world. Anyone with the notion--talent or not--can write a "book", then contact a place like AuthorHouse ("publisher" of this fine volume and, I'm sure, Rayburn's second novel which I don't care enough to look up the title to), and unleash this mess on an unsuspecting world. And then we wonder why no one reads anymore. Why should they? If this is the kind of stuff they're being subjected to. Used to be a writer had to learn to WRITE before they could get published. Now, all you need is a couple thousand dollars and you got yourself a book. Talent? Who needs it? Skill? What for? Learning to write? Are you kidding me? Forget about it, I've got this here manyooscript and an address I can get it printed, I'mma be one of dem novelists. Riches, here I comes!!! It's enough to make aspiring writers want to give up seeking legitimate publishing venues. Please don't. Just be sure to write better than this guy. God knows it won't be difficult. Or should I say, God knows it won't be deficit.

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How To Avoid Trapped Arm Whilst Cuddling in Bed

I think the Superman is my favorite part. LOL! This is one of the many hilarious videos on VideoJug.com
I'm especially a fan of the Dating Humor section.

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Share the Pain of Childbirth

I think Eric and I are going to do this whenever we have our next one. LOL!

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Why Won't She Call Me Back??

Hmmm...I wonder why he never got a call back? lol!! This was originally posted here. This is the backstory as posted on HolyTaco.com:

The back story on this is that a girl named Olga was out with her friends in the Marina district of San Francisco (known for being a popular hang out for douches), and she talked to this guy named Dmitri for all of two minutes. Then she gave him her card and said “give me a call.” The above is the messages he left. Listen to the whole thing, it just keeps getting better and better. I won’t even tell you my favorite parts because i don’t want to ruin anything. Just listen.

The whole thing is about 4 1/2 minutes. Listen to the whole thing. What a whacko this guy is!



http://view.break.com/527579 - Watch more free videos

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"Loose" Plug..

I know this is a little stupid, but it made me laugh out loud.

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Strange Things Sold On EBay Vol. 2

There were just so many things I had to do a second volume right away. lol!

A Pile of Dirt! Current bid: $0.99
click here to see the original ebay listing

From the original description:

Just good ol' fashioned dirt.

It's everywhere and now it's here on ebay!
You are bidding on an incredible pile of dirt!

If you've never won anything in your life,

now's your chance to win a spectacular pile of Good ol' fashioned dirt!!!

The reason I'm selling it: because i can.

It's a real item. very useful, i might add.

I see it everyday on my job. I'm the "cleaning lady!"

I have collected dirt from several places and really i have no more room for it. I will gladly send it out to you, priority. i HAVE TO MAKE ROOM FOR NEW PILES OF DIRT. SO PLEASE BUY MY DIRT. IT'S GOOD OL' FASHIONED DIRT! AND TELL YOUR FRIENDS WHERE YA GOT IT! THANKS FOR NOT RAINING ON MY PARADE OF DIRT- THEN I'D HAVE TO SELL MUD PIES.

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Original Receipt from Chili's Current Bid: $24.99
Click here to see the original ebay listing
From the original description (see the original listing for full description including pics and videos):

Hello everyone:) My name is Ian and I'm the kid in all of the pictures above and the videos you'll see in this auction. My fiance (Kat) and I are set to be married on Friday, January 2, 2009 and need some help with the finances. None of our relatives are in a position to help, and we are both committed to youth ministry (which we all know how well that pays), so I'm reaching out for some help. THIS IS NOT A SCAM OR A JOKE!!! We really, really need help.... We need to raise a total of $5,000 for our wedding. I don't expect this auction to raise all of that, but I am hoping it gives us a good push;) This receipt was the first item I saved for our scrapbook (yet to be completed), and we have several other receipts and nifty things saved in a little ziplock bag that I will auction off until we reach our goal. The most valuable to us however, is this receipt from our first date.

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Pet Bean! Current Bid: $0.99
Click here to see the original ebay listing
From the original description:

As tough as it is, Im selling my pet bean. Im moving to a new apartment that doesnt allow pets. I thought about sneaking him in but I dont want to risk my new landlord catching me. His name is Sir Fredrick Otnip, he is a 6 week old pinto bean. He enjoys walks in the park, loves to play fetch, and watch cartoons. He is very interesting to talk to for a 6 week old bean(not many beans his age is that mature) For some reason he doesnt like hot baths, and he's just alittle gassy in the mornings. He hopes to become spokesperson for the Bush's Baked Beans company someday(but he doesn't exactly understand what they do, and I haven't got the nerve to tell him yet) Please dont tell him. He'll make a great pet! Included in this auction is Otnips blanket, his favorite toy stick, and his bed. I hope he can make you as happy as he's made me in the last 6 weeks.

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Kangaroo Scrotum Bottle Opener Current Bid: $22.00
Click Here to see the original ebay listing
From the original listing:

One authentic kangaroo scrotum, complete with soft fur, filled solid and fitted with a bottle opener. The scrote is filled solid and weighs about 200 grams.

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Strange Things Sold on EBay Vol. 1

From MSNBC:

Home for sale includes wife
PALM BEACH GARDENS, Fla. — A struggling single parent and real estate agent is trying to sell her house and find a husband. She’s auctioning off both her home and herself in a package deal on eBay and Craigslist.

Single parent Dee Traboscia has been divorced for eight years. She had hoped to be remarried by now, so she is turning to the Internet for help.

In the ad, Traboscia writes:

“If you want to live the never ending dream and experience the real love, life and the romance you have always felt was a fairytale then this is the vibrant outstanding woman of your dreams! To sweep this European Loving Lady off her feet send in your application right now.”

She goes on to say that her four-bedroom, 2,000-square-foot home, which will be included in the deal, has “neutral colors, Berber carpet, and upgraded tile.”

Her eBay auction ends July 2 and asks for a starting bid of 99 cents with a shipping cost of $500,000. The auction has not yet received any bids.

Traboscia says she has already been contacted by one man in Italy, who is arranging a trip to South Florida to visit her.

Also from MSNBC:

Half-eaten apple to fatten up fan’s wallet

A half-eaten apple tossed on the ground by golfer Tiger Woods will make someone very rich.

The apple was scooped up by a fan on the fairway of the 12th hole at the U.S. Open after Woods hit a tee shot. It went up for auction on eBay and got a winning bid of $36,000.

The fan who bent down to pick up the apple core said the money will go to his daughter’s college fund.

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The Joys of Flying

I found this while stumbling... This is an actual complaint letter written to the airline while the passenger was in flight. According to Snopes.com, this is a legitimate letter. I laughed so hard, but I also felt really bad for the poor guy! Click here to see the original letter in pdf format complete with funny drawings. Below is the transcribed version (all errors are intact):

Dear Continental Airlines,

I am disgusted as I write this note to you about the miserable experience I am having sitting in seat 29E on one of your aircrafts. As you may know, this seat is situated directly across from the lavatory, so close that I can reach out my left arm and touch the door.

All my senses are being tortured simultaneously. Its difficult to say what the worst part about sitting in 29E really is? Is it the stentch of the sanitation fluid that is blown all over my body every 60 seconds when the door opens? Is it the wooosh of the constant flushing? Or is it the passengers asses that seem to fit into my personal space like a pornographic jig-saw puzzel?

I constructed a stink-shield by shoving one end of a blanket into the overhead compartment - while effective in blocking some of the smell, and offering a small bit of privacy, the ass-on-my-body factor has increased, as without my evil glare, passengers feel free to lean up against what they think is some kind of blanketed wall. The next ass that touches my shoulder will be the last!

I am picturing a board room full of executives giving props to the young promising engineer that figured out how to squeeze an additional row of seats on this plane by putting them next to the LAV. I would like to flush his head in the toilet that I am close enough to touch, and taste, from my seat.

Putting a seat here was a very bad idea. I just heard a man groan in there! This sucks!

Worse yet, is I've paid over $400.00 for the honor of sitting in this seat!

Does your company give refunds? I'd like to go back where I came from and start over. Seat 29E could only be worse if it was located inside the bathroom.

I wonder if my clothing will retain the sanitizing odor...what about my hair! I feel like I'm bathing in a toilet bowl of blue liquid, and there is no man in a little boat to save me.

I am filled with a deep hatred for your plane designer and a general dis-ease that may last for hours.

We are finally descending, and soon I will be able to tear down the stink-shield, but the scars will remain.

I suggest that you initiate immediate removal of this seat from all your crafts. Just remove it, and leave the smouldering brown hole empty, a good place for sturdy/non-absorbing luggage maybe, but not human cargo.

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Lawyer Joke

I found this posted here originally.

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility...

Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'
A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'
A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'
A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
A: 'Yes sir, I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
A: 'Yes sir.'

Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'
A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win!

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Some More Gems from Clientcopia

More hilarious stupid people. These came from Clientcopia.com Check out the site for lots more.

Stupid Client Quote #6438

I worked as a PC tech for a fairly large manufacturing company.

Day One: My Phone rings.

User: Yes, my monitor just stopped working.

Me: That's weird, that was a brand new Monitor. I walk her through the basic repairs before just finally I walking over. Indeed the monitor is dead. I get her another brand new monitor, hook it up and it's good to go.

Day Two: Phone Rings

Same User: My Monitor is dead again.

Me: I walk over and indeed it is totally dead again. So I think it's the plug, and have maintenance check the outlet. Everything checks out normal.

Day Three: Phone Rings again.

Phone Rings

Same User: My monitor is dead again this morning.

Me: I walk over and again it's dead. Sensing something is not right I ask her to walk me through your morning routine.

User: First I go get my coffee, then I go over fill up my glass with water. Then I come back and water my plant. Her plant sit directly above her monitor. As she begins to demonstrate water leaks from the plant like a siv and goes directly into the monitor.

I just look at her with that, "You are a freaking moron" look.

User: (Being totally serious) So do you know what the problem is?

Me: Yeah, water and monitors don't mix!!!!

User: Oh well I just move the plant 3 days ago.

Me: Hand smacking forehead and a look of disgust.

Stupid Client Quote #6433

This happened with my ISP as a client, so it's a little different but still shows some stupidness.

I had 28.8 dial up because it was all that was offered in my area, I was 14 at the time. One day all internet access quit working. It happened to other people I know as well. I called up my ISP and got the following:

3rd attempt calling, after about 2 hours:
ISP: Hello?
Me: Yeah, I can't connect to the internet.
ISP: Did you check your settings?
Me: Yes I know they are right, are you guys having issues?
ISP: Oh well, we just changed everybody's username's to update the system.
Me: We're you guys going to tell us about this?
ISP: Yeah, we're going to send everybody an email.
Me: How am I supposed to get the email, when I can't connect to the internet?
ISP: Don't get your panties in a wad.
Me: Just give me my new user name.
ISP: We sent you an email.
Me: Before or after you changed it?
ISP: After....oh right. Here it is...
Me: (sigh)..... thanks

Stupid Client Quote #6429

Not an issue with a client, but nevertheless...

Whilst moving desks in my office I noticed my friend and collegue trying to get the power cables for the computers/monitors out of the sockets. I explained to her that we dont move the power cables, we just move the computer towers and monitors to the new desk and there are power cables there. The reply was:

"..*blank stare*...but isnt all our work saved onto the cables? We'll have all the stuff from whoever was there last."

...head->desk

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Every Bird Should Get to Fly

This is a really cute video - a commercial for the Washington lottery. It made me chuckle.

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Legalize Books

Being something of a bookworm myself, I thought this was a pretty funny cartoon.
It was originally posted here.

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Coolest New Thing for Camping

This is the coolest sleeping bag ever! lol
Here's the description from the site:

A sleeping bag that is shaped like your body…I can’t believe that it’s never been thought of before!

A traditional sleeping bags usually does a good job of keeping you warm…after all, that’s what it was designed to do. The problem is that they keep you warm by keeping you squeezed together, so it feels very confining.

This cool new sleeping bag design allows you to flop around in your sleep as much as you need to, while still keeping you warm in temps as low as -8.4C.

Price: about $179

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Numb-what?

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Pleasing 15 Women!

lol!
Pleasing 15 Women For An Entire Day Really Would Be Exhausting

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